Monster X: Someday I will live in Paris.
Me: That’s nice, Mommy has always wanted to live in Paris.
MX: You can live with me!
Me: Well I think Mommy wants an apartment there but you could live with us.
MX: No, your place is too small.

The afternoon alleviated some of her loss what with all the kids in the neighborhood coming over and the discovery that the faucet outside is working. There was also the realization that over the colder months some of the girls had grown and with larger size comes great responsibility and the ability to flip the plastic playhouse that I pulled out of the shed. It’s a mountain, it’s a boat, it’s a deathtrap, it’s all this and more.

Much later, after dinner with Her Grandparents, I was informed that she would be sleeping in my bed. I took this as a desire not to sleep alone due to her missing parent. She had slept with The Colonel the night before in full sleep-over mode: glasses of warm milk, thin mints and no Daddy allowed. I was expecting a similar treatment but after I got her settled she turned to me and said “you can go do your chores now.” The next morning as we puttered about waiting for the tree man she had a thought;

I get so sad when Mommy goes away. When you go… not so much.

Monster X: It’s on the right. Right there! Ungh! They never realize stuff!

“I have to go”

I look forward to more transmissions in the future.

Me: Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Monster X: I dunno!
Me: Because she wanted to break into mooooovies.
MX: (After a pause) Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Me: (Playing along) I dunno!
MX: Because she wanted to direeeeeecccct!

Monster X: (Whining) I want this bed, my bed is awful and hurts my back. I want this one (she points to an IKEA bed with a canopy on it’s second level) for Christmas, please!
Me: I am not getting you a bed tonight, you can just say it’s nice.
MX: For Christmas? You’ll get it for me for Christmas?
Me: No, I am not getting you that bed.
MX: (Really working it) Please! It’s the bed I need! Get it for me for Christmas!
Me: Hey, since we got on the subject, what are you getting me for Christmas?
MX: (Taken aback, eyes wide) Oh… ah… it’s a secret until… Christmas morning? And the bed is…?
Me: What are you getting me?
MX: I… need…. to… talk to Mommy. (Runs from room, tripping in haste)

Monster X: (Singing along with the t.v. on which the PBS station has an system whereby viewers can choose the Friday afternoon programming) Peanut of choice!
Me: Nope.
MX: What?
Me: America was founded on the idea of freedom of choice. Not peanut of choice.
MX: You are free to choose your own peanut.
Me: Swing and a miss.
MX: Awwwwwee!

The Colonel reports that Monster X has on at least one occasion properly “air quoted” her.

Earlier…

Monster X: (Bounding into our bed early in the morning. She is naked as her room “was warm.” After snuggling with her mother.) These are my nipples!
The Colonel: Yes.
MX: And these are your boobies!
TC: Yes… yes they are.
MX (Long pause): When will I get boobies!?

Me: Hello.
Monster X: (With extreme seriousness, conspiratorially) Do you believe what I believe?
Me: What honey? Hello?
MX: (Whispering) Do you believe what I believe? Answer now.
Me: What are you believing that I should also be believing in?
MX: What?
Me: What do you believe?
MX: Mommy says that she has eyes in the back of her head but I don’t believe that. Do you believe that?
Me: Put your mother on the phone.
MX: (Whispering) OK, but don’t tell her what I believe.

• After The Colonel made a comment that we may run errands in a different order than suggested: “Stick to the plan, mom, stick to the plan.”
• After Her Grandfather pointed out that the sump pump “sure had a lot of gunk.”: “You can say that again.”
• Driving into town to get ice cream: “Remember the time we got ice cream and there was that dog there that got all excited. He was hopping and hopping, just barking away, he was funny… Good times, good times.

My friend Michael Curtis has written a book called The Dungeon Alphabet: An A-to-Z Reference for Classic Dungeon Design. It’s based on some posts from Michael’s excellent and thought provoking Old School D&D blog The Society of Torch, Pole and Rope. Judging from the original posts this will be one of the greatest gaming books ever. For those in the know the Michael Curtis’ gaming book has an introduction by David “Zeb” Cook. For those not in the know that is like Martin “Marty” Scorsese giving you a write up in the Times. It’s big and I couldn’t be more proud of Michael Curtis for writing his excellent, entertaining and “two thumbs up” The Dungeon Alphabet An A-to-Z Reference for Classic Dungeon Design.

Buy six of them.