Monster X: Someday I will live in Paris.
Me: That’s nice, Mommy has always wanted to live in Paris.
MX: You can live with me!
Me: Well I think Mommy wants an apartment there but you could live with us.
MX: No, your place is too small.
The past weekend The Colonel went on a much needed sojourn to see My Attorney and witness the wonder that is Vampire Boy in Love in The Big City with Shocking Ending Tacked On. After the drop off at the train Monster X mooned about all weekend pining for her absent parent. I took her to an art fair at the Middle School where every creation had a theme of “My Missing Mother” no matter the media. It is difficult to express melancholy through pom-poms glued to a plastic mask or foam glued to cardboard but she did it.
The afternoon alleviated some of her loss what with all the kids in the neighborhood coming over and the discovery that the faucet outside is working. There was also the realization that over the colder months some of the girls had grown and with larger size comes great responsibility and the ability to flip the plastic playhouse that I pulled out of the shed. It’s a mountain, it’s a boat, it’s a deathtrap, it’s all this and more.
Much later, after dinner with Her Grandparents, I was informed that she would be sleeping in my bed. I took this as a desire not to sleep alone due to her missing parent. She had slept with The Colonel the night before in full sleep-over mode: glasses of warm milk, thin mints and no Daddy allowed. I was expecting a similar treatment but after I got her settled she turned to me and said “you can go do your chores now.” The next morning as we puttered about waiting for the tree man she had a thought;
I get so sad when Mommy goes away. When you go… not so much.
Monster X is laying on our bed in pajamas watching two sphere-based pixes attempt to find a lost subway car with the help of their coffee cup shaped robot. Their actions have revealed the car hidden in the tunnel to our right but still they dither.
Monster X: It’s on the right. Right there! Ungh! They never realize stuff!
Kindergarten continues for Monster X and her classmates. She has started writing, mostly books, but there are the occasional shorter missives. Saturday morning I was taking a shower when there was a knock at the bathroom door. Several knock-”Come in”-knock-”Come In!” exchanges later there was silence for a bit, some shuffling by the door, silence for another bit and then “Hi daddy!” Monster X finished what she needed to do, warning me when she washed her hands in case the water pressure dropped, and then went about her way. When I came out of the shower I noticed something on the top of the garbage can that explained the shuffling at least. Written on tiny note paper in purple crayon, accompanied by a friendly looking flower, were the words
“I have to go”
I look forward to more transmissions in the future.
Scene: It is dinner and Monster X is telling jokes. This consists of making up random “knock-knock” jokes and then asking me if they are funny. It strikes me that this is how a computer would learn what humor is. Occasionally she will ask me to tell a joke and I strain to think of one that is age appropriate.
Me: Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Monster X: I dunno!
Me: Because she wanted to break into mooooovies.
MX: (After a pause) Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Me: (Playing along) I dunno!
MX: Because she wanted to direeeeeecccct!