Monster X is laying on our bed in pajamas watching two sphere-based pixes attempt to find a lost subway car with the help of their coffee cup shaped robot. Their actions have revealed the car hidden in the tunnel to our right but still they dither.
Monster X: It’s on the right. Right there! Ungh! They never realize stuff!
Kindergarten continues for Monster X and her classmates. She has started writing, mostly books, but there are the occasional shorter missives. Saturday morning I was taking a shower when there was a knock at the bathroom door. Several knock-”Come in”-knock-”Come In!” exchanges later there was silence for a bit, some shuffling by the door, silence for another bit and then “Hi daddy!” Monster X finished what she needed to do, warning me when she washed her hands in case the water pressure dropped, and then went about her way. When I came out of the shower I noticed something on the top of the garbage can that explained the shuffling at least. Written on tiny note paper in purple crayon, accompanied by a friendly looking flower, were the words
“I have to go”
I look forward to more transmissions in the future.
Scene: It is dinner and Monster X is telling jokes. This consists of making up random “knock-knock” jokes and then asking me if they are funny. It strikes me that this is how a computer would learn what humor is. Occasionally she will ask me to tell a joke and I strain to think of one that is age appropriate.
Me: Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Monster X: I dunno!
Me: Because she wanted to break into mooooovies.
MX: (After a pause) Why did the cow go to Hollywood?
Me: (Playing along) I dunno!
MX: Because she wanted to direeeeeecccct!
Scene: We are sitting on the sofa, IKEA catalog between us. Lights-up in mid-conversation.
Monster X: (Whining) I want this bed, my bed is awful and hurts my back. I want this one (she points to an IKEA bed with a canopy on it’s second level) for Christmas, please!
Me: I am not getting you a bed tonight, you can just say it’s nice.
MX: For Christmas? You’ll get it for me for Christmas?
Me: No, I am not getting you that bed.
MX: (Really working it) Please! It’s the bed I need! Get it for me for Christmas!
Me: Hey, since we got on the subject, what are you getting me for Christmas?
MX: (Taken aback, eyes wide) Oh… ah… it’s a secret until… Christmas morning? And the bed is…?
Me: What are you getting me?
MX: I… need…. to… talk to Mommy. (Runs from room, tripping in haste)
Monster X: (Singing along with the t.v. on which the PBS station has an system whereby viewers can choose the Friday afternoon programming) Peanut of choice!
Me: Nope.
MX: What?
Me: America was founded on the idea of freedom of choice. Not peanut of choice.
MX: You are free to choose your own peanut.
Me: Swing and a miss.
MX: Awwwwwee!
The Colonel reports that Monster X has on at least one occasion properly “air quoted” her.
Earlier…
Monster X: (Bounding into our bed early in the morning. She is naked as her room “was warm.” After snuggling with her mother.) These are my nipples!
The Colonel: Yes.
MX: And these are your boobies!
TC: Yes… yes they are.
MX (Long pause): When will I get boobies!?